her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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