and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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