I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
