i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
