During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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