let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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