I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i'm inner monologue high
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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