About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
