Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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