you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
