If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
