This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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