i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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