I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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