So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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