I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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