I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
