if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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