OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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