My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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