he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
