ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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