Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
