you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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