Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
