Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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