I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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