I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
