You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
