Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
