I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
