I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
