he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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