i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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