I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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