i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
