I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
