I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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