I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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