I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
