I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
