so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
