I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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