Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
