Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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