Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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