I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
