he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
