I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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