I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
