she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
