someone get that fucking seahorse.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
