If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
